We have our first visitors of the summer, and I keep trying to get up earlier than my kids to sneak a minute to write, but that is nearly impossible. It makes for a bad start to the day for all of us because I immediately resent them for being awake and foiling my attempt for some private time. I need to work on that.
It has been a nice distraction to have guests. We had some nice weather and grilled summer foods. The kiddos are thrilled to have a new audience for their energy, and so am I.
On Friday I let the last outer layer of family know about my man’s diagnosis. It was scary and depressing to write out the details again. Each time I write the news it freaks me out all over again. My man has started to experience some mild radiation side effects, and I find myself checking in with him every hour or so to see how he is doing.( These sites seem to have good tips, and for any bladder issues I highly recommend seeping parsley in hot water for 10 minutes.) We went out for a lovely meal last night and the topic of family visits and vacation came up. The topic of vacations always leads us to my man’s cancer diagnosis. One of the things that my husband resents the most about this unexpected illness is that it has totally messed with our vacation plans. He has already had to use days for doctor’s appointments and will need to use a whole bunch for his surgery (days that were planned for a warm winter get a way, a trip to Europe etc.) The talk of vacation days led us to talk of the upcoming surgery. I could see my man’s facial expression change. He clearly didn’t want to have this stuff invade his big night out: he allows himself one evening of alcohol and dessert a week, and here I was sabotaging it with talk of MRI’s, scans, tumors etc.
I have noticed that I am the big talker, explainer of all things cancer. In some ways this makes sense. I have fielded many calls and given many updates and I know my man appreciates this. However, last night it felt very impersonal- “he will have an MRI before the surgery”, “He will be in the hospital for 3-5 days” etc. etc. My poor man was sitting across from me trying to enjoy his delicious glass of wine and looking like he wished I would shut up. I took the hint and did.
I missed my man when he was at work on Friday. I was so happy to see him walk up the drive early. We made out at the door for a while, hot stuff. We have been watching the World Cup together as a family and really enjoying it. Our daughter always wants to know who I am rooting for before she chooses a side, and our son roots for the color not the country. Today is Germany’s first game: Germany vs. Australia. Lets all root for Germany and my man.