My man made me a mixed CD and I have been listening to it for days. The tourists have cleared out, the leaves are amazing, the sun is shining and I have new music. I have been really enjoying driving the long stretches of back road that I drive. I have been driving along listening to this (among other things) and thinking that it is the most beautiful music I had ever heard and feeling overwhelming love and appreciation for my man.
But yesterday in the midst of all of the good feelings I took a little detour. Suddenly I was at my husband’s death bed sorting out the nitty gritty details and it brought tears to my eyes, (I put on a really good death fantasy.) It is some strange superstitious dress rehearsal that I put myself through. “Can I take it, how would I react, what would happen?” A preparedness course and a reminder, ” this could all fall apart at any second.” And then I remind myself that that has always been true, which causes its own little panic. But these death drills have become fewer and farther between.
And tomorrow we are off to another wedding. Just me and my man. We are leaving the kiddos with family and I am looking forward to it. We haven’t been out together in quite some time, and it should be a beautiful drive