On the Road

My man made me a mixed CD and I have been listening to it for days. The tourists have cleared out, the leaves are amazing, the sun is shining and I have new music. I have been really enjoying driving the long stretches of back road that I drive.  I have been driving along listening to this (among other things) and thinking that it is the  most beautiful music I had ever heard and feeling overwhelming love and appreciation for my man.

But yesterday in the midst of all of the good feelings I took a little detour. Suddenly I was at my husband’s death bed sorting out the nitty gritty details and it brought tears to my eyes, (I put on a really good death fantasy.) It is some strange superstitious dress rehearsal that I put myself through. “Can I take it, how would I react, what would happen?”  A preparedness course and a reminder, ” this could all fall apart at any second.” And then I remind myself that that has always been true, which causes its own little panic. But these death drills have become fewer and farther between.

And tomorrow we are off to another wedding. Just me and my man. We are leaving the kiddos with family and I am looking forward to it. We haven’t been out together in quite some time, and it should be a beautiful drive



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4 Responses to On the Road

  1. michelle

    I am a 41 year old female daignosed 3/16/2010 with LMS ( in a small vein in back of my right hand)…I was at Mass General in Boston and am doing well now…
    This whole thing really stinks…still shocked! I will keep you and your damily in my thoughts and prayers!

  2. Cancer wife

    Hi Michelle,
    It is a stinky shocker! I am glad that you are doing well and thanks for your support.

  3. Rhonda

    Browsing blogs on a road trip today, I must have read 90% of your blog througout the day. My husband was dx with nonhodgkins lymphoma in April, we must have been living in parallel these past few months. I connected so much with your thoughts and writing, many times today tearing up and finding relief that being a wife to a guy with cancer isn’t so lonely. I also have 2 small children,3 year old boy/girl twins. I totally get you girl. Love your blog! I wish you and your beautiful family peace and happiness. Fight the good fight.

  4. Cancer wife

    Hi Rhonda,

    Thanks for your comment. It means a lot to know that my ramblings are thoughts and feelings shared by others. I wish you and your family all the best as well.
    The Cancer Wife

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