What a wonderful weekend. Family bonding, a real connection with my man, and time with good friends. ah- sigh of contentment. I feel like I just won a prize and I really deserved it, so first of all-yeah for that. We played some family games Friday night. I had the clarity to come out from behind my computer screen- where I tend to hide out when I’m under it, (and last week I was under it.) I totally understood how important it was for me to try and stay present, and I did and it was nice.
Then on Saturday I took off for a bachelorette party for this wonderful lady. I have to say it felt like a Sex in the City episode. I’m not ashamed to say it: I loved it. We had our feet soaked and massaged, had sippy poos ( as my mother called them) in a church, ate delicious food, and finished the evening with dancing. Good company and good conversation and it was easy: thanks ladies. Then I came home and was glad to.
I am happy to be where I am even though it’s hard. My man and I were in it together yesterday. It was a scary day- a day where we were both facing the possibility of him dying, but it was somehow ok. ”I’m feeling scared of cancer,” my man sighed at one point. “Me too, but we just have to feel it and motor through,” I smiled at him. He seemed satisfied with that and it felt completely true. It was a day of clarity. And so is today despite Monday’s best attempt at ruining things- I hate Mondays, but tomorrow is a good day.
Tuesday is 6 weeks. Six weeks from the exact date of surgery- the official end of my guy’s recovery. We are going to celebrate with a cake. I told the kiddos, “tomorrow is the end of papa’s surgery,” For them the word surgery symbolizes the entire episode. And in a way they are right. This is the end of 4 months of active cancer treatment. No walk in the park and so, even though my man has to return to work, it deserves to be acknowledged. Especially before we move on to the next phase.
My man has opted out of chemo, but there are other options. It is however, a rabbit hole. A confusing, overwhelming espionage novel full of warring factions and conspiracy theories. It is heartbreaking and tragic that it is so difficult to get clear information about this disease. I have an immense amount of respect for the people trying to make sense of it. We are at the very tip of this iceberg and not yet sure if we want to sled this hill. We will have to find our path, but at least we have come out of our corners to do it together.
Last night we took a moment to pat each other on the back as if to say: that was awful but we did it. We just survived something terrible so high fucking five!
So here is my man- isn’t he hip.
and some other images of this lovely weekend.