Mean and Terrible

It is a miserable day: pouring and windy. I took the kiddos to see Nanny McPhee. My man stayed home and enjoyed some quiet time. I am not sure why, but I feel I need to entertain the kids these days.  It is the last few weeks of summer,and the weather has been crappier- so we have had a program most days: ice cream, the fair, the movies.

Yesterday we went to the fair. I was in a mean and terrible mood, and I managed it by not speaking to my husband for a while. He was respectful of my mood, let me ride it out, and we had a nice time at the fair. On the way, I purposely hit a few potholes and it made me feel better- don’t worry it didn’t seem to bother my man. The ugly truth is it is hard to watch him- with his annoyingly valid excuse- get a green pass to sit on his ass. When we arrived home from the movies this afternoon, my man was playing a new Wii game he had downloaded. “I read about it,” he exclaimed like a boy, “I’ve been playing it the whole time,” he grinned.

Last night, I was in the kitchen grumbling about the recyclables and going to the dump when my daughter piped up,  ”It’s not Papa’s fault that he had to have surgery.”  ”Smart girl,” I thought and we talked about it a bit.  I tried to explain that I could be annoyed about having to do all of papa’s chores and not be annoyed at papa. That is my daily goal anyway.

And actually I think I am doing pretty well- despite the potholes.  I am trying not to begrudge him his recovery- and most of the time I am succeeding. My man asked me recently if I ever wrote things on the blog that I didn’t tell him. I do. I can be mean and terrible here, so I don’t have to be mean and terrible to him. Thank goodness for that.

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One Response to Mean and Terrible

  1. One blog led to another, and I landed on The Cancer Wife today. Your writing is brilliant, and echoes so many things I thought when my daughter was going through Adrenal Cortical Cancer. I guess blogging had not come of age in the cancer world from 2004-2008, or I would have used it like you as a place to maintain a shred of sanity. Or maybe I was too busy caring for Megan to see the outside world.

    Either way, thank you for being gut-level honest. I, too, had “Mean and Terrible” moments. I’m putting a link on my site to your site.

    Your writing tells all caregivers they are not alone.

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