My man began treatment today. Actual radiation to kill the “bad cells.” “Prepare to die,” I laughed maniacally at his tumor as he walked out this morning. He went to work and radiation, I went on a field trip with my daughter’s first grade class.
It is the first day in two weeks that I haven’t cried. I spoke to a friend yesterday who helped to remind me that we need to find a way to really live our lives while dealing with this. This is our life and by the way we (yes, I say we) have cancer versus our lives are now this cancer. My man said that he read in a cancer book that one shouldn’t always see cancer as a war or a battle, (I forget how one should see it,) and I am not sure that I agree with this. At the very least it is an unruly, uninvited presence in your life which has to be disciplined and kept in control.
I am in control today – denial or coping. I prefer coping. I am taking a bit of a break from this cancer and its’ threat to our lives. We have no reason to think it is anything but curable at this point, and so I am living in this moment.
I ordered this book and am hoping it will help me with this new attitude. A friend forwarded this website and said we might find it useful. I haven’t looked at either since I am taking a break, but I will get them to them and maybe they are helpful to others.
It was just nice to wake up this morning and not feel a dead weight crush me in the face.