Wow, what a relief. Yesterday’s post was a bit dramatic, but I really needed to get it out. I am amazed at how much better I feel. I needed to give in and now I am back. Struggling against it all was incapacitating and made it impossible for me to be in my life. I was grumpy and tired, had no time or patience for anyone- including my kids and hubby- (which made me feel incredibly guilty and tired and grumpy all over again.) This was my theme song last week and it about sums it up.
But since turning to face the music I think, “hey this isn’t so bad.” I took my kids down to the lake and we swam out to the buoy together. Something they have been wanting to do and I had been putting off with excuses: you’re too tired after camp, we should wait for papa etc. etc. They were so proud of themselves and I was proud of us too. It was the first time I have felt good about my parenting in weeks. This morning I even managed to diffuse some old fashioned sibling rivalry in a calm and reasonable manner. Last week I would have exploded and sent everyone to their rooms- including me. The kids and I re-mulched the back yard together, and I am back to cooking.
Last night my man arrived home with a large bouquet of flowers for me, for no reason, (I love this man but this is not his usual m.o.) Our daughter is into the plastic silly bracelets and this morning on the way to camp one was attached to my sunglasses. The kids thought it was hilarious and we had a real belly jerker together. We feel like a family-strange how that has happened.
You only loose your joy if you shut it out. There is joy and happiness here. It came in with all the other stuff, and I feel grateful to recognize it.