10 Days In

Today started out as a good day. It almost felt like a normal day BC (before cancer.) However, I came home to find a copy of this book sent to us by a family member, and it was a harsh reminder that my man, a super healthy 37 year old, has Sarcoma- soft tissue cancer. Good days, bad days, life BC and AC (after cancer), cancer fights, cancer sex- everything cancer.

In order to remain sane and not drive my man and friends crazy, I have decided, with mixed feelings, to write about this experience as we move through and past (because yes, he will be a survivor- there is no other option,) this life altering diagnosis.
Perhaps writing about it here will help it stop festering in my head, heart, and stomach.  And also help me to stop breaking down in public and inappropriately blurting out to almost strangers that my man has cancer when they ask me how I am ,or if we have plans for the summer. It is a real conversation killer.
Leiomyosarcoma high grade! A rare cancer, (leave it to my man.) It hasn’t metastasized, but high grade means that it wants to. Our surgical and radiation oncologists here are recommending 5 weeks of radiation, a 5 week break and then surgery. We are off to Dana Farber in Boston on Friday for a second opinion and hopefully to hear that what we have been told here is right on. Apparently Sarcoma’s are tricky to diagnose. We were told it may not even be LMS but has LMS characteristics. There are more than 50 different types of Sarcoma’s and each respond differently to different treatment so…….

Important to know- fear is the foe. My man’s prognosis is good, but Cancer is a scary bastard. We have named his tumor Fat Bastard and I spend time each evening telling the Fat Bastard not to get too comfortable because it has chosen the wrong people to mess with. This helps me. Also when the fear overtakes me and my legs start to shake uncontrollably and I can’t get our of my car or stop sobbing, I repeat this mantra in my head: cancer does not mean death, cancer does not mean death, cancer does not mean death, cancer does not mean death, cancer does not mean death…….say it with me.

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