Tomorrow my man has his last radiation treatment, yeah!! I remember our first trip to the radiation center for his ‘dry’ run. There was a sweet older women volunteer who offered me coffee and sat and talked to me as I cried and waited. It all seemed so surreal. It seems so long ago- its been 5 1/2 weeks. Amazing how quickly one can ‘get used’ to cancer. My husband bought a card that says “Thanks a Bunch” for his radiation team- the people who positioned him, stuffed his ‘package’ into its special stocking and re-inked his tattoos everyday. Chucklenuts should come up with a special card for this occasion.
Tomorrow Germany plays Spain in the World Cup semi finals. Many experts have now chosen Germany as their favorite to win the World Cup. This confidence makes both me and my man nervous. It is almost as if by being sure they will win we are jinxing their chances. Interesting that I don’t feel this way about my unwavering confidence that my man will be fine. I have a superstitious side to me, and due to my earlier cancer/soccer analogy, I feel that if Germany wins it is a sign that my man will be fine. I have to be prepared to let go of that one pretty quickly in case they lose.
Tomorrow a friend that I haven’t seen in 6 years arrives for the night. I am really excited to see her. We only have one night and six years to cover. I am sure we will spend some time talking about my man and his cancer, but I have other news and so does she.
Yesterday tears came out of nowhere as my man showed me his red chaffed skin and I caught a glimpse of his tumor. “I think I forgot you had cancer for a while,” I sobbed to my guy. “Sometimes so do I,” he said. Today, it was suggested to me that maybe everything in my life doesn’t happen under our ‘cancer blanket.’ I don’t have to feel badly about that. I can let myself be free of that weight at times, and trust that I will know when it is time to go back under.
Tomorrow hopefully we will be celebrating the end of my husband’s radiation and Germany’s win over Spain. But we will definitely be celebrating the end of phase I of kill the unclassified sarcoma that chose the wrong people to mess with and a reunion with an old friend. And that makes for a pretty great tomorrow!