It is summer and our cat becomes an outdoor girl in the summer. She also begins bringing us home all sorts of ‘treats.’ Mostly, mice, chipmunks and birds. This morning there was a headless bird on our stoop. Our son was fascinated: ”what happened to its head, mama?” ,”why does Honeybelle do that, mama?”, and finally as he turned away with an angry sigh, ”I wanted to see it while it was still beautiful, not dead!” I can relate my boy.
A friend that I haven’t seen in about 6 years called me today to say she would be in Boston for business in July and wants to visit. I am thrilled. She is a close, far away friend. We are not in constant contact, but we bonded hard and fast as two American ladies living in Germany. I am thrilled she is coming. The only thing is, she doesn’t know about my husband. We had a quick conversation about dates and I couldn’t find a way to casually slip in, “and by the way, my man has cancer.” I don’t want it to be a big deal: “hey he has cancer, but it’s going to be fine, and we are fine and everything is A OK.” Like my son, I want it to still be beautiful.
This poor friend- her mother died of cancer too, (this was a big bonding point for us,) and recently a close friend of hers lost her husband to cancer. I want to make light: ”yup, you have another friend whose husband has cancer.” I will wait until after she has made her travel arrangements and then drop the bomb. If she knew, she might not come. Why do people think they should stay away? Yesterday I apologized for dragging all of our friends and family unwittingly into out new cancer world, and today I am duping an unsuspecting friend.
We have a surgery date: August 17th, pre-op appointment will be on the 9th. I am starting to feel uneasy about the whole unclassified sarcoma thing. The Dr’s seem as if it really doesn’t matter, (Dana Farber lists unclassified Sarcoma as a type.) On the one hand I understand that it may not be important, and we may never know, but on the other hand- we would like to know what this potentially fatal thing is! If we don’t exactly understand what it is, how can we understand how to treat it? I will bug Dr. B and Dr. R at our next visit about this point and fully expect to get a ‘great’ question rating.
My research today led me to some other cancer blogs and I finally managed to create a blogroll! I found this quote on Elsa’s blog and I had to put it here:
Ring the bells that still can ring,
Forget your perfect offering,
There’s a crack in everything,
That’s how the light gets in.
This is our life, our life with cancer, and despite all that this entails it is still a pretty good life. So my friend, come visit and hear our news. We are under this cancer blanket, but there is still plenty of light.