May Day

I just returned from Zumba and drinks with a friend. The first day in many that I am feeling good. Had a dark few this past week. And then I woke up this morning and I could feel that the cloud had passed. Tomorrow I begin facilitating a training at work. The same training that I was facilitating last year when I got a call from a doctor informing me that my man had a sarcoma.

So now after two glasses of wine and an evening of venting it occurs to me that perhaps these things are linked. My dark mood and the upcoming anniversary of discovering that my husband has cancer. Or perhaps it began with the anniversary of my mother’ s death on April 21st. Or maybe it was the  fact that  a fellow sarcoma blogger died recently. She left behind two daughters. Or that my own daughter has started to have random crying attacks about death. She is afraid to die and she is afraid that I will die. “When I die there will be nothing to do,” she sobbed to me recently. It’s a tough one to handle- these fears and inquiries about death from children. “Maybe it’s beautiful and amazing and a huge relief,” I told her.  And then I laughed it off by telling her that her brother, who was whining, was likely to find out very quickly if he didn’t behave.

But enough darkness- today I woke up in a better mood. Our son began spring soccer and loved it. Our daughter is getting ready for a dance recital. So today I will focus on light, and appreciate it until things get dark again.

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One Response to May Day

  1. Hi Cancer Wife,
    My name is Liz and I have been reading your blog for a while now. I hope that your husband is doing well. I am sorry that your daughter is having thoughts about dying, I find that it helps my 9 year old that its similar to before being born. It works with him, maybe it might work for her.
    That said, since your blog is a great resource for someone going through cancer I wanted to reach out to you to see if you were interested in a new online social support network (that I am the community manager of!) called I Had Cancer. It is a new and free social support network focused on connecting people based on experiences with cancer so that they can easily communicate with one another and share information. I would love to tell you more if you are interested, so please let me know! Because I was so struck by your writing I would love to send you an early-access pass with extra invites for others you may know going through this journey.

    Either way, thank you so much for your writing. Take care and best regards.
    -Liz@ihadcancer.com – If anyone would like info on I Had Cancer please email me.

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