I just returned from Zumba and drinks with a friend. The first day in many that I am feeling good. Had a dark few this past week. And then I woke up this morning and I could feel that the cloud had passed. Tomorrow I begin facilitating a training at work. The same training that I was facilitating last year when I got a call from a doctor informing me that my man had a sarcoma.
So now after two glasses of wine and an evening of venting it occurs to me that perhaps these things are linked. My dark mood and the upcoming anniversary of discovering that my husband has cancer. Or perhaps it began with the anniversary of my mother’ s death on April 21st. Or maybe it was the fact that a fellow sarcoma blogger died recently. She left behind two daughters. Or that my own daughter has started to have random crying attacks about death. She is afraid to die and she is afraid that I will die. “When I die there will be nothing to do,” she sobbed to me recently. It’s a tough one to handle- these fears and inquiries about death from children. “Maybe it’s beautiful and amazing and a huge relief,” I told her. And then I laughed it off by telling her that her brother, who was whining, was likely to find out very quickly if he didn’t behave.
But enough darkness- today I woke up in a better mood. Our son began spring soccer and loved it. Our daughter is getting ready for a dance recital. So today I will focus on light, and appreciate it until things get dark again.