Today at the grocery store I was behind an elderly woman with a clipboard and a fanny pack. I didn’t notice her clipboard until after I had begun unloading my cart. People with clipboards and fanny packs at the grocery store are not OK with me. Neither are people who write checks at the grocery store, (guess what was in this lady’s fanny pack.) I am not sure why it disturbs me so much, it just pushes all of my buttons. Unfortunately for me a lot of other peoples behaviors push my buttons. What can I say it’s a family trait, we all tend to act a bit superior at times. My man on the other hand is genuinely forgiving of others. He doesn’t take a woman with a clipboard at the grocery store as a personal affront, and he is a calm and patient driver. He isn’t arrogant and superior in his daily life, but I wonder if he should be more like me when it comes to his cancer.
I am going to be a real doofus and make a World Cup/Cancer analogy. Yesterday Germany trounced on Australia. They beat them 4-0. It was almost painful to watch and in the end I felt bad for Australia. At one point in the game the announcer commented that Germany was reveling in its supremacy. They certainly played better than Australia, but how much of their prowess was confidence and determination? They played with a win or die attitude: losing was not an option. That is how I feel about my man’s cancer.
While we were watching the game my husband satisfyingly remarked, “I have turned you into a soccer fan,” and he has. (Here is a link if you want to become a fan as well.) The World Cup happens every 4 years, and each tournament is attached to memories of where we were at that time in our lives. In 2006 we were living in Germany. I learned the nationalities of my neighborhood by the various flags displayed in the windows and the honking cars. We married in France in 2002. Germany had an important game the day after our wedding. Many of our German friends stayed an extra day and watched the game in French rather than drive home and miss it. I am not sure where we will be in 2014, but I can already see us looking back and saying, “remember in 2010, that was when you had cancer.”
I worry at times that I am reveling in our supremacy: our supremacy over this cancer. I wonder if it is OK to feel this confident. It worked for Germany yesterday, so hopefully it will work for us.