A New Year

I am ready for a new year! And ready for school to start as well. The kiddos and I have had just about all we can take of each other this week. I love my children, but I can also compare them to little elves and not the helpful kind. The excitement of Christmas is over, Papa has returned to work and suddenly it is just the three of us. There has been lots of fighting, lots of “I’m bored there is nothing to do,” which is infuriating right after they have received a ton of new toys, and just general grouchiness.

But also good moments: sledding, painting, snuggling on the couch in front of the fire. I think my children are very much like me in that they sometimes seem to have trouble just stopping and appreciating a moment- so we all made some progress in that area this week.

Today our son said to me, “maybe papa will get another bump and have another surgery.” I explained to him that the bump is dangerous and I hoped that wouldn’t happen. “Well I do,” he announced, “because then I could play with papa everyday.”

So for next year we need to find some ways to have papa around more often without the bump. And I need to find a way to not beat myself up for sometimes slipping back into my old ways and not always feeling grateful and magical that we have made it this far, but rather feeling like a stretched to the limit mother and wife who sometimes gets bitchy at her man.

So, for 2011 I want: clean scans every three months, and a continued appreciation for what I have and who I am – flaws and all.

Happy New Year

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